If You Leave, You’ll Take Away The Best Part Of Me

I fall to my knees and I cry on the bathroom floor because I can feel you letting go. I feel it in my bones you aren’t with me like you used to be. I want you to know I’m sorry. Where you were once the person I turned to for everything I find myself alone. I find myself enduring this and I reach for you and you aren’t reaching back.

Goodbye seems like a foreign word that was exchanged between others, not us. And you haven’t said it yet but I can feel in my heart that you don’t want to be here anymore.

I want you to know how much it does hurt me. It hurts me that I hurt you. It hurts me that I let you down. I want you to know how sorry I am for disappointing you and letting you down time and time again. 

Because you deserve only the best in someone. All you’ve ever done is bring out the best in me. You’ve made me the happiest version of myself and I love you so much. So I’m sorry for everything.

I’ll change my ways if it means saving us.

Even the mere thought of losing you is enough to motivate me to change.

I’ll do whatever I need to, to show you how important you are in my life. I don’t want you to be a lesson learned the hard way.

I’m begging you to not give up on me.

I’ve never given up on you. I never would. So just give me one more chance to prove that I deserve having you in my life. You’ve never given up on me before. I’m begging you, pleading desperately, to not start now.

I need you in my life. I want you in my life. I wouldn’t be who I am without you. And if I ever had to live a life without you, I think I’d lose part of myself in the process. I can’t lose you. I’m not ready to lose you.

You haven’t left yet but I already miss you.

Conversations have grown short. Texts are going unanswered. Tears are wept in the late hours of the night, where the only place you meet me now is in my dreams. I wake up and stare into the darkness, looking at a phone that has nothing new to say.

My stomach hurts, my face is sweating, tears trickle down my face. I find myself throwing up with a fever. I didn’t know someone’s absence could affect another human they way you have me. 

But I’m hurting. 

It’s almost like I’m drowning, trying to come up for air but it’s being denied to me. That’s what it feels like being without you.

I’ve never felt so lonely in my entire life. And everyone tries to make me feel better but there isn’t anyone who can or will ever take your place.

You are the best person I’ve ever known. You are the kindest, most compassionate, most honest person I’ve had the privilege of knowing.

I always said that I don’t deserve you and there was always a mutual respect there because you used to say the same thing to me. But suddenly, it’s like everything has changed. I’m trying so hard to save us.

If I can save us I know that’s what will save me.

Because if I ever actually did lose you, I’d be losing the best part of me.